Does anybody watch "Everybody Loves Raymond"? Didja see the one where they were trying to get his brother and his brother's fiancee back together, and Raymond told him not to listen to his family, or her family for that matter.
"No good can come from families!"
Also, don't date your friends. Hear me now, believe me later.
Also, do not date somebody at work. Believe me now, listen to me now, cross-stitch a snazzy li'l thing to hang inside your front door. Now. No good can come of it. Before you know it, you'll move across the country three times and lose half of your mail in the post office forwarding process.
And don't keep old love letters. Take 'em to the park on Sunday and burn 'em in one of the rusty barbecue grills. Do this for me. But keep the cute stuff. Get rid of everything else. Zsa Zsa said, "I never hated a man enough to return his diamonds." I don't hate anybody either, but...well, shoot, I have lessons to learn too.

I agreed to work through lunch today, so I'm about to go outside on a smoke break with Kristen and Alia. I was sniveling to my supervisor.
"Smokers get to go outside."
I get to go too. But I gotta stand upwind from them, while they blacken their lungs and shorten their lives. I'm just hankerin' for recess, like elementary school. I live here for the sunshine, and the fresh air of the Texas Hill Country. Were there a beach nearby, I'd be on it. I think I have a little bit of a sunburn. Parte`.

Maybe it's just me, but my car appears to run better on a full tank of gas, and after a carwash. But I run better after a shower, too. And cell phone reception is clearer just after my account cycles and I have a brand spankin' new 5,000 minutes for another month. Also, it seems to me the time goes faster when the clock is moving downward, between 12:00 and 6:00, than it does going from 6:00 to 12:00.

So somebody with some web-saavy thinks women wearing headphones are hot. And of course they would be right. One of the gals I work with is on that website. I guess I'll have to coerce Travis into posting one of my headphone pictures. I have a bunch of 'em. Pick your favorite city from the resume.

My friend and coworker Linda is exhausted today. She's a real animal lover, and her neighbor's dog was put down last night. She (the dog) had a brain tumor. She was having seizures and was so sick. Poor dog. I'm not much of a pet person, but I do feel sorry for sick little animals who can't verbalize what's wrong. Actually, come to think of it, when one has a brain tumor, even a human has a hard time telling anyone what's wrong.
So this pet talk reminds me of another story. A beautiful tuxedo cat lives outside my apartment door. I always talk to him, and he meows at me. The other day, he came to rub against my legs. I reached down to scratch his ears, and he growled at me. That cat is just like me, I declare. He wants to be loved, but on his own terms.

Cascarones! Glitter and confetti EVERYWHERE! And in my hair!!! I'll NEVER get all of this out! Word is, they're gonna make us leave work early tomorrow, because they know it'll get bad and mean and nasty around here with all of us breaking eggs on each other's heads.

The Scooter Store loves Stephen Covey. We had a pretty good time with him today. Stephen Covey was on Oprah. Stephen Covey is our friend.

Maybe I'm crazy, but when I touch something that doesn't seem clean, my hand burns until I am able to wash it. Also, I have a fear of touching mail. That may or may not be a fear of bills, but I think it comes from living in New Jersey during that anthrax thing. What are your fears (that seem totally rational to you, but not to someone else)?

I just spoke to a man named Michael Panic. Bless his heart, sweet old man, but that sounds like a condition I have had. "Michael Panic." It's much similar to "Rob Zombie," or the "Keith Sweat." The best treatment for one of these ailments is a cherry lime-aid from Sonic and a move across our great nation. Generally then one becomes "Scot free," which is so much better than the suffering of the others.

"Never settle."
"Celebrate the child in you."
"You are a great friend."
Some of the sweetest things I've ever heard have been told me by the foil wrappers around dark chocolate.

Dust and mold
Pet hair and hay
Turned these allergy eyes
My way...

I'm weirding out, but still able to function. Boy, it's a gorgeous day in the Texas Hill Country. It's also kind of windy, which is unusual, and whips those allergens right into my eyes. And I have big eyes, which tend to collect twice the amount of allergens as your typically-sized pair of eyes.